January 12th, 2020
Dear Cynthia,
I am writing you to send you the utmost appreciation on turning me on to Fr. Bruno Barnhart.
I have been experiencing a desire to yell from the cliffs or whisper ear-to-ear a “clarion call”, so to speak, to those who left Christianity for the Eastern traditions and invite them whole heartedly to return to their Western Christian roots.
I too left and spent a better part of my adult life in deep meditation and satang with noted Eastern gurus. I cherish that time, and feel it was the right move at the right time.
But now, today, I have “come home” to my Western spiritual upbringing. But instead of leaving my non-dualistic direct experience of what I would call God, I come home with that embodiment intact and am currently find my way through the Christian faith and finding a way in welding the two together. Your clear Christian mystical knowledge and embodiment and Fr. Bruno’s “Turns” was just what I needed to hear!
I am at a crossroads in life, having spent so much time in silence foregoing family (children) to be available and nimble to my inner journey. I spent many years studying theology and discourse at University, always trying to mediate it with my direct inward experience of God. Often, asking the question, “did what I read resonate with what I “know” at the deepest level of the seat of who I am?” It was and continues to be an intriguing journey.
I came out of studying theology and into the business world where my business model was based on healing, helping and relieving suffering in animals in a direct and scientifically based way. Somehow that made the transition from deep inner silence (inward stroke) to being in the marketplace (outward stroke) a simple step.
But, the call to return to my Christian roots is a strong call. I find myself taking time for long personal retreats at monasteries (although not being a Catholic) to think deeply and read widely, always aware of my desire for my next step. I find myself listening to videos and immersing myself into the non-duality of Christian mysticism. I am fulfilled in that endeavor. It is deeply satisfying in its own right. I feel called for something more. It seems that I am in a place of “waiting” and of reflection, sure that “the way will be shown” (from my Quaker (Society of Friends) upbringing.
Maybe this is an end in and of itself? I think not. It feels as if I am “filled up” and bouncing around for a purpose. That my voice is being tuned and refined. My suffering earlier in life has allowed me the ability to meet suffering at its deepest value and not shirk away. When you have gone to the gates of Hell, you are able to “meet” something at their lowest and not be afraid nor try to change, but to drop down inwardly to open the ground to that suffering and offer a way through. It’s not often what you say, but who you are with that person that brings a pinpoint of light to begin their journey back.
I digress. Thank you again for Fr. Bruno! I write this on retreat where I have perused the full library here at the Abbey, but have come back to the videos of Fr. Bruno and his teaching. Right now, he “speaks to my condition” (yet another Quaker saying I grew up hearing.)
In full disclosure, I have applied to the Center for Action and Contemplation’s Living School for the start of 2020. I feel that more voices are needed as we go into this truly new world. The chaos outside is a reflection of the chaos inside and a “new way” out can reflect both the non-dual, direct experience with God and the Christian tradition – which you embody – to a waiting public thirsty for meaning and depth to their lives. And, being an optimist, this so needed combination can help us move into this profound evolutional transition.
Somehow, I feel, calling on those that have left their Western faith for an Eastern tradition to “come home” and allowing that “home” to be an invitation to experience a new depth of Christian meaning and direct non-dual experience than when they left would allow this evolution a big jump forward.
Thanking you again for your clear eyed, amazingly broad and penetrating intellect, joined with a wonderful sense of humor and profound humility – I so appreciate you and all you do.
Letters to the Universe 